Every Professional Sports Team Moves To Las Vegas – The Onion

LAS VEGAS—Citing a favorable economic climate and a growing fanbase clamoring for more opportunities to watch games, every single professional sports team announced Friday that they are moving to Las Vegas. “We are excited to break ground on our new state-of-the-art football arena right in downtown Las Vegas and give both diehard locals and visitors alike the sports viewing experience they deserve,” said Las Vegas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, standing alongside the owners of the Las Vegas Yankees, Las Vegas Knicks, Las Vegas Bruins, Las Vegas Liberty, and the Los Angeles Football Club of Las Vegas at a ribbon-cutting ceremony for dozens of new hockey rinks, auto racing tracks, tennis courts, and multi-sport arenas that will house hundreds of teams from every major and minor American sport. “We couldn’t be more excited to play our first home game as the Las Vegas Cowboys, which we’ll do in September when we face our cross-town rivals, the Las Vegas Giants. This is truly the best sports city in America, providing unparalleled entertainment for fans of any sport, whether that’s football, lacrosse, disc, volleyball, or cricket—they’re all here. Come on down to the Caesars Arena to catch a game right across from six other football arenas, nine baseball fields, and a cricket stadium. We’re so excited to all partner with Las Vegas on the epic future of American sports.”


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